1. Accountability partner - get in a 12-step group. If you’re not in one, I recommend a Christ-centered one because Jesus is the one that will bring this healing, not us and only being allowed vague references to a “higher power” frustrate many believers involved with secular recovery. That being said though, Christ-centered recovery is not available everywhere and I hear it is being done “wrong” (from people who attended and left) just as often as it is being done “right.” so go where God is leading, not just a churchy place. If you’re in a secular 12-step group, keep going there if you can. The important thing above all is to stay connected. In these circles, it is easier to find someone who will keep us accountable before the Lord.
2. Sponsor - This person helps us walk through the steps and kicks us in the but along the way. It takes a few kicks, too. Just wait until step 4 (bwah hah hah). The sponsor should be someone who has hopefully finished the 12 steps and has a year of sobriety under their belt. There are some instances where this may not be feasible. Many Christian recovery programs are very new, especially in less populated areas. To be honest, I don’t know any guy struggling w/ sexual addictions who has a year of sobriety (or any guy for that matter if one counts the most strict definition). For those reasons, sometimes that person has to be someone who is a few steps further along in the recovery process.

People to check carefully before allowing on your support team

These people can come along for the ride, but check their boarding pass carefully. (Even if their ticket is in order, they are not meant to be the accountability partner or sponsor).

1. Friends from current circles - are the people you are spending time with 100% on board with your recovery? Usually not - they usually are enabling us or reinforcing something wrong that I’m into. I’m going to get some heat for this from people who have never been through recovery, but you have to go into the bubble for a bit on recovery and get around people where the fruits of dramatic life change and passionate life for the Lord is evident. I was very blessed in that God used the time during a move for me so the detachment from friends was easier. I’m not saying leave town - that’s between God and you, but there is no way someone can hang around the same group of friends from a former lifestyle and break free. They may be able to go back later to help their friends but that will be much later. I tried “going clean” while living in Kentucky to hang around with all my friends who still smoked, drank, and engaged in everything else that was making me ill. My willpower lasted about an hour (lol).
2. Family - Jesus’ own biological family was against him. They didn’t put him up on the cross but were not participants in God’s mission for him. They won’t say anything like “You don’t need to quit drinking,” because they’re not idiots - they know you’re a jerk when you drink Just be on guard for little verbal jabs or emails meant to ridicule, distract, or frustrate. Nearly every case of a person in recovery experiences this from at least one member of their family. Codependent or prideful mothers with control issues can insert an irresistible defense of their actions at end of the post ;). All I’m saying is Jesus expanded this definition of family for a reason.
3. Spouse - Eventually the spouse has to be on board because we are one with them and the body would be otherwise at war with itself. Be judicious in when this is brought along. I’ve heard guys try to explain how their spouse is their best friend, should be their accountability partner, etc. After a grasp of the shoulders and a shake, most come to their senses. Bringing in their spouse too early and sharing too much before a basis of understanding is there to receive this knowledge from us can be hazardous. Conversely, one can go my route and wait too long and be dishonest about my recovery with my wife. There is a happy middle ground - a narrow Gate that the Lord will lead us through.

Once that support team is there and regularly utilized though, recovery moves ahead like we’re drinking rocket fuel. I encourage you to start right now and even just shoot an email to someone in your recovery group to feel them out for the accountability thing. If you’re not in a group, go find one right now. God is ready for the next stage of our lives - the one he called us to before the world was even created. I’m excited for you!

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