Bet that headline caught your attention, didn’t it? Just the name makes my head want to whip around to see who they’re talking about. Makes me want to pick up my daughter and run the other direction.

Unfortunately, I can’t run away from myself. Or maybe that is fortunate, because if I could, I would. I actually did try running away from myself for years - from past hurts and mistakes through just about any means I could.

I’ve told you all about my physical struggles with alcohol and drugs, quitting smoking, and even my multiple attempts to quit biting my nails. I am blessed with a very slim build, but I even had/have issues with binge/overeating. I could go on and tell you about my emotional struggles too, but that isn’t really important. I’ve struggled with just about every “ism” you could imagine, but none of those got me to seeking help, to eventually understand why I do these things, or to have hope that life could be different.

My wife had to work one Sunday which was quite rare. I went to church by myself. The last time that happened, I actually cried during a play that the church put on… Yeah, cold, stony me I was wondering what would happen this time, as I settled into the back row of the highest spot in the balcony - “nice and safe here,” I thought.

The pastor spoke for awhile and I can’t even remember what the sermon was about, but he invited a young man to come up to share his testimony. He shared about sexual addiction and all of the compulsive activities surrounding it. He spoke about reducing women down to objects that were sources for his fulfillment, and I felt rotten. While the way in which my addictions played out were slightly different than his, I was just like this young man. I had problems with sexual addictions for years and ignored them.

Society even said that what I did was normal. In college? That’s what college kids do, right? I thought that when I got married, everything would be just fine because it was just something I did. However, I didn’t understand the deep spiritual and therefore physical implications of sexual addiction.

After the service I felt God impressing me to go talk to this guy. I was so scared and tried to make all kinds of excuses - “I am NOT going to a group for sex addicts,” I thought. “That is for perverts, creeps, and abusers!”

I didn’t really have much choice, though, as God was all over me on this one. I attended the next meeting, and other meetings around twice a week for the next year. I learned so many things about the “whys” of addiction. I learned that all addictions are basically the same. I learned that most of what I was told about addictions are partially wrong - factually correct in some aspects, but full of glaring omissions because they tackled the issue from an ineffectual end.

There is far too much for me to tell in one post, so I will be sharing more about addiction in future posts. I’ll still sprinkle in Christian growth posts and inane stories about my life, but it is so important now that I share what Christ has done for me with all of you.

I’ve learned since that one day in church, that support groups for sexual addiction are not full of perverts, creeps, and abusers. They are full of sinners, but they are also full of people that God desperately loves and has saved by his grace - not through the acts of those individuals as they work hard towards accepting freedom from their addictions, but through the work of one man 2000ish years ago who died on a cross for nothing that he did to deserve it.

I’m grateful for that Sunday in church, for that young man who shared his testimony and later listened to mine. I’m grateful for my wife for her love, incomprehensible grace, and bravery in encouraging me when I said I was going to share this. I’m grateful to family, and friends in Christ who have been very supportive. I’m also grateful for each one of you that I get to tell this story to, knowing full well that there is a better-than-even chance one of you is struggling with some physical or mental struggle and wants out. There is still a great deal of pain, and mistrust that exists but it’s far better than the life I led for the first 31 years of my life.

So… my name is Matt, I’m a believer in Jesus Christ. I’m recovering from sexual addiction, anger issues, control issues, chemical abuse, and co-dependency. I tell you with joy and with 100% certainty that there is a way out from whatever struggle you are facing today - I’m nobody special on my own, but through Christ all things are possible. All things.

If anyone is struggling with any form of addiction, I strongly encourage you to take that first step and seek help. Check out Celebrate Recovery, or contact your a local church. It doesn’t have to be yours either - that may even be preferable, about 1/3 of our attendees aren’t church members. Anonymity is nice. If you can’t find a specific Christian support group, get into a 12-step group like AA, NA, etc. You may want to do both. Be sure to come back and tell me how you’re doing, too - be blessed!

Categories: Step 1
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