To any brother or sister in Christ,

My name is Jerome Pierce a born again Christian that need prayer for addiction of watching porn on the internet every day & masturbation as well. I’d need GOD to heal me completely of this insane behavior it costing me my marriage to my wife right now. Thanks for praying for me Brother Jerome Pierce

As I log onto my computer, I strain to not go onto pichunter.com. I squeak and squirm, filled with fear. Eaten up with resentment, selfishness and self centeredness. I am in a state of mind that has no concern for anything of value. I am fighting my addiction one minute at a time. The soldier pointing the gun in my direction hunkered in the trench just a mere 20 yards in front of me…I. Far more deadly than terrorist planning threats on our country. For he, if even capable, will only kill a small number. But the number that die on our own home front day in and day out are horrendous. I am far more dangerous to myself than even the most trained and vicious enemy. My breathing is fast and my heart is beating, I can already feel the chemical high from the thought of surfing the web for pictures and videos of sex. I remember what I have been taught in the training camp for this addiction. I remember the tools I have been given, but only somewhere deep. All I can do at this moment, in this grip is to go to my wallet and pull out a picture of my beloved fiancé. Her precious smile, her alive and excited facial features begin to pry the fingers of my enemy from my throat. I probably start to breathe a little easier, but even still I am taken. My mind has been cleared enough to open a document on the computer with another picture, this one of me holding her in my arms, both of us smiling, dressed in our best for a Thanksgiving reunion and feast. I feel the grip of the pull to open Mozilla Firefox internet search engine to type in the media bar my frequented online porn sites address. The search engine like my taxi to my local hole in the wall bar. I’d like to call it a bar because its where I get my medicine, it’s where I get my legal, “over the counter,” drugs, now that I have quit using the cocaine,marijuana,pharmipsuedicals ,ectacy,acid,mushrooms,opium,alcohol. I now use porn and it’s better than all the rest. I get the high; I get the low and everything in between. And it doesn’t cost more to see any specific type. Everything I ever need is free and having to pay would just lessen the experience.

I begin typing this letter, maybe it will be a song, maybe it will go into a journal, maybe the A.A. grapevine.

I was inspired by a thought of men in war flying fighter jets and literally fighting for their lives. Seeing their lives flash before their eyes in split seconds and looking at a picture of their wife to find the strength for that one last push to get by, to take out the enemy or just to get away and safely back home.

This addiction to pornography and my sex addiction, the sexual anorexia, the self centerdness, the fear,sloth…my disease is no different than those in war. In a split second I could lose everything I love… my job, my fiancé,my friends,my family,my future,my life…in one click of a mouse. This is the story of relapse. This is my story of my life and the battle that I fight with the help of my friends, my family, my higher power whom I choose to call god, jesus. With all of this combined I will keep my freedom just one more day. Freedom, isn’t that what this country is about, freedom. Some may say we have freedom to do these things, porn isn’t bad, please no censorship! And I am not even talking about any of these issues. I am talking about the disease of addiction. The drugs, the porn, the alcohol, these are not my problem. My problem, my enemy lies at my fingertips, the space between my finger and the mouse. That space is me, that space is my will. That space is my choice. We all have a choice everyday. Choose freedom. Get help. This life and the beautiful things on this planet are not to got unseen. The beautiful creatures are not to go untouched and undiscovered and malnouriched and destroyed. Yes we talk of freedom, true freedom, yes take your freedom and your debauchery if you want, but I choose nature, I choose open fields,mountains,planes,architecture,art,music, forests,ponds,lakes,oceans,rivers,fish,horses. This is what I choose to call freedom. This is what I choose to call my freedom.

I have the best and worst news.

Let’s get the worst out….

It was not easy for me to get over the issue… I still have not eradicated lust from my mind. From the biblical definition which in my experience has produced life in my marriage – I’ll probably never be free from lust 100% any more than I will from greed or idolatry.

And now for the best…

What God instructed me to do was to start taking those steps toward him via a recovery program. That accountability, openness and honesty disarmed the secrets which were poisoning me from the inside. And I’m not just talking about my warped view of what sexuality was – this applied to everything else in my life once I really got honest w/ God.

Wherever you’re at, check out http://www.celebraterecovery.org/ if there is no group in your area (and driving can be awesome medicine – God loves a good road trip), then check out a SA group & take some extra time to seek out other Christ-followers.

Shoot me something in the contact form if you want to talk more. This is what I’m here for brother -