What Coping Skillls Did You Use as a Child? (Overcoming Denial)
We’re talking about question #4 in Lesson 1 of the Celebrate Recovery 12-step program
More specifically, how did you get attention or protect yourself?
- Anger – I grew up watching that that if things did not go my way (justified or not), that it was okay to fly completely off the handle. I have used anger to control situations and people every day since. God has been teaching me as I’ve gone through this program that the root of unrighteous anger is fear and pride. An angry person would never admit fear is the root… franky, they’d quite angry
But it is – that loss of control scares people and they feel weak. If they blow up, they either get their way or feel that they’re doing something. We’re doing something, all right, but it’s nothing good. - Fantasy – paved the way for my sexual struggles. I was very used to the fantasy world and relationships with people in my mind was easier than in person. This also made denial so sweet and easy. When things got scary as I was young, I either “fight back” (anger), but I had no power in those situations so my alternative was to slip off into daydreams. That was just as dangerous. I’ll admit something really weird here, but sometimes my anger and fantasy mix and I actually play out arguments in my head – and I lose about as many as I win. Hopefully nobody from my small group reads that one because they treat me like I’m normal thus far.
- Aloofness – Guys are more prone to this than women. It’s the topic of every Promise Keepers conference I’ve been to. I like my cave (or at least I’ve believed that)
- Knowledge – Closing this one out on a couple less-serious notes. I’ve learned a little about many things and remember all kinds of trivial facts that people enjoy in the right context.
- Physical Tricks – I am a wiry guy and always have been. I used to be able to jump off just about anything and do certain things with my body to give the illusion I was suspended in air for a moment. Also learned many physical stunts and used to be good at a variety of imitations. Pretty rusty these days, but I can still do a great “Rural Kentucky”.
Make out your list and try to keep it balanced with both good and bad. It gives us more insight into the “why” of our addictions and compulsive behaviors.
If you haven’t hooked up with a Celebrate Recovery group in your area – do it! God will change your life if you truly work those steps and in the process learn how to give your life over to him.
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