How has Holding on to Anger and Resentments Affected You?
I knew this one person who was the most angry person I had ever met. They literally screamed and argued with everyone. Once people stopped subjecting themselves, they argued alone.
So you’d think after drinking all that in, I would have taken every precaution to act completely different, right? I’ll share a little nugget here which I wouldn’t normally share.
I am both a planner and somewhat of a “driver”. I think more of the former but my wife swears the latter 
. I would have a disagreement with “X” person. If I didn’t blow up right then an make a fool of myself, I would then stew over it, rehearsing to plan the perfect response. If you’re nodding your head, then you know what comes next, right? Yeah. It never works out the way it did in my head, so basically I’ve wasted 30 second snippets of my life for how long?
The problem is like any method of coping with sin, there is no end unless it is taken to the Lord.
My little “strategy session” would leak over into other moments of my life. When I turned my life over to Christ, he pointed out that I mulled over potential or former arguments more than I did anything else. I was shocked & even a bit defensive
Then God started pointing it out every time I started doing it. I was amazed at how this habit had actually broken through to my subconscious. I was totally in denial about something almost comically tragic. I could walk into a 12 step group and say, “hey guys, I can’t stop drinking.” I’d probably get a high five in even a baptist church but revealing that I can’t stop replaying or rehearsing arguments in my head gets me a nice soft cell in a quiet place.
What’s even funnier is how long that habit took to break. Only with a steady stream of the word of the Lord to renew my mind and innermost thoughts along with exercising those spiritual truths did it lift. When I would start going through the motions of my relationship with God, I would regain many of the same habits.
Only reason I share this is not so I look like a moron, but because a couple guys nodded, smiled, and then shook their heads when I admitted it. There were probably less than 15 guys in the room that night so this is probably not that unique. I want you to know that you are not “crazy” (just sinful, like me) no matter what people have conditioned you to think, and that the Lord is waiting for you to turn to him and rely on him to not just save you from this struggle but the deeper struggle of life that caused this and any other issue which is on your mind today.
If you are someone that struggles with holding onto anger, I want to not just pray for you (which I will, leave a prayer in the comment section below and be as anonymous as yo want), but I’d like to help you get plugged into a recovery group. Anger is just as curable as alcoholism, eating disorders, or any other issue which we’ve come to realize is sinful either by direct command of the Lord or simply because we know it keeps us from him.
Great thoughts Matt! I don’t hold onto anger for long because my fuse is so short, I explode and then find myself ridden with guilt. I need to listen to the verse in Pslams 4:4 that teaches us not to sin by letting anger controll us, but instead think about it overnight and remain silent.
Learning to forgive and forget gets the best of me, oh my poor husband! Like you said… this too is curable!
I heard something this week that rocked me alittle. I think for a long time I have prayed about issues that don’t seem to get much better and find myself wondering in God really is answering my prayers?
What I heard was that sometimes trials in our lives may come to us to show us an area of sin in my own life I need to confess. In other words- I am focused on this thing that I think is a big negitive in my life- but really- there is something it is pointing out in me that needs to be addressed.
An example is for years I have let little comments slip out of my mouth here and there (that my husband was able to hear) about a situation we have at home. Things like-’I'll be glad when we don’t have to deal with this anymore’. I have realized that this pointed to a deeper heart attitude that was wrong-it masked anger and resentment that I have let hold on for way too long. It also allowed me to not see an ex-spouse as a person God cares about. I have heard it called a ‘root of bitterness’ once in a sermon. I am so convicted by this- I think the peace I long for in our home has to start with my heart before God. All thoughts welcome…….
Kathy,
Thanks so much for sharing – excellent point & I empathize with your story. Matt. 5:23-24 jumps all over this. I’ve come to God for answers when the answer lay in my disobedience to God’s direct order to me.
My humility before God and willingness to let him make things right has been key in my marriage and definitely has impacted other relationships. I’m a little slow on the “other relationships” part because I can always wall myself off from them, but it always comes back out
I just came across this tonight as i search my own heart… I am so complicated for my husband to deal with and understand. Your point about the need we/I have of my savior to save me not only from this struggle with anger, but with the deeper root of my struggles; that’s exactly where I’m at. Though I have a great Christian therapist, I’ve never experienced a recovery group, or a cleansing streams group; I think it’s time I find one. My flesh and past seem to be eating away at my marriage and replaying my childhood relationship pain all over again; I know my wounds reveal my anger; now I have to learn to confess and ask God for desperate help to heal this part of me before my marriage is shattered. Thanks for sharing Matt; I live in Metro Detroit, and have been so struck by your Nooma’s and sermons over the past few years; wish we lived closer to MH. God bless your life, your honesty, and your ministry to all of us in need of Jesus.
Hi Jenn,
Hey Jennifer – I wish I had more to do w/ the nooma’s, Rob bell (& the Holy Spirit) has credit for that gig.
Where you’re coming from is a substantial step. check step 1. that might read easy, but walking that step out doesnt come cheap. It usually carries a great deal of baggage from umpteen years ago. Well done, staying obedient to God’s will.
Thank you so much for sharing this point of extreme honesty in your life. I’m so proud – can’t even begin to explain the difference in my life between when I stopped working on fixing the issues that ailed me, and just brought them to God. Granted, there has been a ton of work along the way, but the yoke is easy & the burden is light.
Therapists are great, keep going & that’s wonderful you found a good one. finding a meeting in your area is pretty easy, and I (hope) your therapist will support going out on a limb a bit and finding both an acccountabilty partner and a sponsor The celebraterecovery.com website is reasonably up-to-date… and if it isn’t, let me know. I’ll break out the whip of chords and get old-school on them
JK – other Christ-centered groups in that area, I’m sure…
Seriously though, you’re in the right place so far as knowing what is going on. Keep moving further. The penchant will be for people to over-encourage to the point of stagnation. Seriously – 4 yrs of watching a few hundred guys quit (no kidding).
I don’t get any Christian bonus points for that either
The only way to get after these types of issues are letting Christ decide the timing, so I will pray for you & the husband to be connected w/ other brothers & sisters soon. all the best -
I have a hard time giving things over to the Lord and allowing Him to help. I find that I begin to cry and want to cling to someone for comfort when I the Lord begins to shine the light on me. I feel discouraged and I want to run away. I feel like I am so bad, and like I am afraid of what God will show me. I feel afraid of Him. I feel afraid of life.