I currently meet with a men’s support group, where we learn how to walk in freedom from compulsive behaviors, and we were discussing the question, "What makes you lose your temper?"
Many of the guys mentioned

• disrespect shown towards them
• selfishness of others
• watching others be mistreated

Missing the Point…

As a man who has a significant past of blowing his top, I understood where the guys were coming from. These are all perfectly natural answers that match viewpoints of both Christians and even those who do not believe in the Lord Jesus Christ. Note I said "natural"…

I spent some time with God over the past few months in prayer, and I’ve come to believe many of the answers we came up with in class missed the point. I think the question was meant to trick us, in a good way. Is being angry and losing my temper the same thing? Is the blame for us losing our temper, primarily external or internal? In our journey to be conformed to the image of Christ, we must go deeper and see where the true responsibility of "losing our temper" lies.

Righteous Anger vs Losing Temper

Anger is a legitimate emotion and is not from the devil. There is a "righteous anger" that the Lord displays and since we are made in the image of God, this anger is something we will experience when the will of God is in open contradiction. Some might ask,

How do we know the difference between righteous anger and Satanic-influenced anger? Everyone thinks they are doing the right thing?

The key is to look at what God did (as Jesus) and said (in the Bible). It is difficult, and takes a strong level of spiritual maturity to put away our own notions of correctness and subjugate them to God’s instruction and discipline. However, If we operate in love as the word of God instructs, we are given the framework by which we can separate righteous anger from un-righteous anger.

Investigating Why I Lose My Temper

I spent considerable time in prayer and reflection as to what is truly at the base of me losing my temper. After going through all the times where I “lost my temper” (note, I didn’t say “felt anger”), the situations can be attributed to one of two emotions.

1. Fear
2. Pride

That was a tough revelation for a guy. We are not supposed to be fearful. It took some time to identify this, because I didn’t feel or show the classical signs of what society teaches is fear. My fear was manifested in losing my mind because fear is not an emotion that the American male is supposed to show.

Could my problem really boil down to such simple causes? I thought about situations that did not appear at first to fall into one of those two emotions. By allowing the Lord to investigate my heart and show my true motivations, I found that nearly every situation fit into one of those categories. Let’s look at some examples.

• The Messy House – Let’s say our kids come home and make a huge mess. We are angry because they are violating the rules by which the house operates. We are angry at their selfishness because they expect someone else to clean up after them. This happens in nearly every home in the world that has children, but is that an excuse for us to lose our temper?

  No, the act of losing our temper converts righteous anger (based on the word of God) to a most unrighteous anger. We lose our temper because as the parents, our position as leader of the home is threatened (fear). We also aren’t getting “our way” (that’s pride).

• Protecting our Spouse – My wife used to work in a medical facility where she experienced racial discrimination and threats of violence. I would hear about this and blow up about particular groups of people and would eventually take it all out on her for staying there. Of course, God had a plan for her to help that facility, but I wasn’t hearing any of that.

  I made excuses for my anger, saying that I was allowed, because I was "protecting my wife". However, my anger manifested itself in bigotry and speaking harsh words to my wife – neither of those is legit.

• Griping about my employer – My first boss was a serious gossip and really didn’t do any work. I was extremely resentful of her under the guise that I was upset she didn’t help us. First off, who said I make the rules? If I owned the company or at least was her superior then I would have responsibility given by the Lord. As it was, I was operating in areas of pride because I didn’t think I was getting what I deserved.

I could go on all day with these, but you get the point. Try looking at your life with God’s assistance if you are one that has problems losing your temper.

Some Solutions to Losing one’s Temper

Let’s continue to:

1. Operate in love
2. Meditate on the goodness of God and keep our mind Holy. I used to try stopping myself when my mind would drift to something bad, but that is like coming down the 18th hole of a golf tournament, trying not to hit a double bogey. Instead, I should be thinking about making a birdie. (Sorry, non-golf-afficionados.)
3. Be patient – It took us quite some time to learn this behavior, and it may take some time to unlearn. Unfortunately, (or fortunately, depending on how we look at it) it is extremely dangerous behavior for ourself and others. Hence, we have serious motivation to commit to change.
4. Be honest with ourselves, dig deep, and lose the, "Yeah Lord, but what about X, Y, or Z…" and try out just saying, "Yeah Lord".

Categories: Living for Christ
Tags: