- good to hear from you and I’m excited about what God & your deliberation has set in motion and for your upcoming wedding.

Per the issue w/ your fiance. I don’t think (most of) anyone here thinks your concern is trivial. After all, this blog covers topics most “perfect people” wouldn’t come looking for or stay to debate about. I hope you always feel comfortable in airing any prayer, concern or struggle here to be shared.

You are 100% correct in your assessment of what premarital sex can do and I have experienced

just about every sexual freedoms outside of God
the turmoil of making that decision for my impending marriage when it wasn’t popular
then seeing both the impact of my previous sexual exploits after my marriage (because there is an impact and it’s one of those, “just wait and you’ll see”s)
the absolute glory and healing of the Lord.

Anyhoo – I know without a doubt you are making a decision that will add so many blessings to your marriage it is tough to explain. I’m not some guy from some happy family from a happy world where I loved God all my life and things were cool and was insulated from tough times. I’m a guy who has struggled with just about every issue a person could struggle with to one degree or another where some were handed to me, some were put on, and some I sought out.

Big question is – “is your fiance a Christ-follower?” If not then what it really comes down to is you two aren’t on the same page with this so just start praying because this will be both of your spiritual journeys rather than just yours. If not, you have much more to concern yourself with than the celibacy issue. I don’t mean in any way to imply to break up w/ the guy or anything like that at all.

I was not a Christian when my wife and I got engaged. She was pretty new in terms of her faith and endured some very awful things. Flip side was we’ve gotten to go through this journey together and while each step hasn’t seemed to go anywhere, looking back on 4 yrs has been an eye-opener. God is Good & he is faithful – I even feel silly saying that because the words seem so small. Just start praying now & make God that focus…

I know for sure I can hook you up w/ some contact info of a young woman that may be a good help. Just give me a shout and I’ll be praying for you two as well.

I worry about the same. My fear of pain (not so much the death part) led me through a complicated web of compulsive behaviors and crutches so I could avoid it.

My wife and I have recently started “back at the basics” in our walk with the Lord because we’ve gotten so wrapped up in what we considered the day-to-day living that we forgot what this is all about.

Live is about God – and I don’t mean that in some lame, “christian cliche” kind-of-way. When my perspective is on him and that my life was created for his will and pleasure, my life changes – I’m less concerned with my part of the equation and my entire perspective has to change. Not that it does, necessarily, but I’m forced to make that decision.

What does the cross mean to me, and even though this isn’t resonating in my heart to the point I’m ready to sell all my possessions and live in Africa, do I really GET the gospel and what happened on the cross to the point I can get out of my own head?

That was a very long sentence, but I wanted you to know we all struggle with this. I think we’re supposed to, really. We’re supposed to eventually find out this life is broken and that we are because we were never meant to carry these burdens on our own. Guess what I’m saying is you’re right there, K. I’m excited for you and I don’t even know you. Just think about what God sees in you – he’s the one that created you, after all